Article by Katie Dobinson, Clinical Psychologist
Many of us might feel a little nervous when meeting new people. You might notice a few anxious thoughts before starting a new job, or going out with a few new people…
What will they think of me?
I hope we get along…
A little bit of uncertainty and anxiety when meeting new people is really common. These thoughts may be present, but with time, they tend to reduce. However, social anxiety is more than feeling a little nervous. Social anxiety can make it incredibly difficult not only to meet new people, but also to feel at ease around those you know, with constant fears about how others might perceive you. Social anxiety wants to keep you thinking the worst by impacting the way you think about yourself. Common thoughts for someone with social anxiety can sound something like this:
Everyone is staring at me…I’m such an idiot!
My face is bright red, they must be able to see how nervous I am, I’m so stupid.
You’re so awkward! Can’t you just be like everyone else? What’s wrong with you!
Along with these negative, critical thinking patterns, many people struggling with social anxiety also experience physical sensations of anxiety when thinking about being around others, or when they are in social situations. A racing heart, sweaty palms, tightness in the chest are all part of the body’s fight-or-flight response that is triggered when a person feels threatened. These sensations can be very unpleasant, so in an effort to stop feeling them, people will avoid talking to others, avoid parties, drink alcohol to excess, stop going to classes, eat alone on their lunch break, or may even find it hard to leave the house.
Along with the critical thoughts and unpleasant physical sensations, social anxiety can also manifest as negative self-images. This is often described as a (usually distorted) mental image of one’s self looking fearful, or scrutinised, which paints an inaccurate and unhelpful self-image.
If you identify with some of these symptoms, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Social anxiety is a common mental health issue for many people. There are very effective treatments that can reduce these challenging emotions, and help you to gain confidence in around others. The most effective psychological therapy to help with these difficulties is called Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, or CBT. There are a few brief CBT skills listed below to get you on the right track for keeping social anxiety at bay.
Some helpful tips if you’re struggling with any of these symptoms:
- Challenge unhelpful thoughts: When critical thoughts arise, try and question these. Is there a different way of thinking about this situation? Would I talk to a close friend this way?
- Talk to someone about how you’ve been feeling: This might be a trusted loved one, a health professional, or a support service that really understands what you’re going through (e.g., Beyond Blue 1300 22 4636)
- Get outside: Take a break from that negative thought cycle with a change of scenery. Spend some time outdoors in nature, whether it’s a walk through your favourite park, swimming in the ocean, or lying down on the grass.
- Take a breath: If you notice tightness in your chest, or feeling ‘on edge’, take a few deep breaths, breathing in for 4 counts and out for 6. Try this for about 3 minutes and notice how you feel afterwards
You do not have to fight against social anxiety alone. If you have struggled with social anxiety, or identify with some of the descriptions above, contact our Sydney psychology clinic Foresight Psychology Ultimo: 02 8380 8855 / info@foresightpsychology.com to find out how we can help you live with more joy, connection, and ease.
